This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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