he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't deserve a penis
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
