walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
