she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
