best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The adults are the big ones right?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
