You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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