i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
