why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
