you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
