that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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