It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
