I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
