I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
