you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
