mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
