We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize