Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
