So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
