My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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