Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
