Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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