did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
