He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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