Who did Billy Mays play for?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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