He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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