Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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