We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
