I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
