Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
PANTIES FOUND
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