It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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