why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
