He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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