You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
