wakey wakey hands off snakey
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize