If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
