He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize