i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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