38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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