ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
