I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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