Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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