it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
