I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
