I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This house was built for laser tag.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
