his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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