On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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