How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize