Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
