wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
