how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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