Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
