FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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