Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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