I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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