I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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