I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
