ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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