I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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