So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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