Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
