is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
