tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
