well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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