I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
